I was so angry with my mom the way she left. I felt she took the easy way out, when life became too hard. I did know it before time, so it didn’t come as a surprise, when it finally happened.
My mom died 10.10.10 00.10, so planned or not, it couldn’t have been a better timing.
I felt betrayed, I had just traveled home to celebrate my birthday with my friends, but instead of a huge party, I had to travel to plan a funeral. How could she, this was my time not hers.
The few days before she died, I woke up in the middle of the night, feeling an uneasy feeling in my chest.
It took me a while to go back to sleep, and in the morning, when I woke up, the feeling was still there.
A day or so later, I became too busy planning the party, and the feeling slowly went away.
On the 10th I got a SMS from my son, you need to call, mom, and I did.
What is going on, is it grandpa? I could hear it on the silence, it was not. I asked him again, what is going on?
He said; it is your mom, it is grandma. He sucked the air in through his teeth, so he would cry over the phone.
I asked him again, what it wrong with grandma? Mom…. She is dead, mom. She is gone… He voice broke, and I could hear, he tried to suck the air in again.
Gone how, when what happen? Mom, with a broken voice, he continued; they found her on the couch this morning, when they went to check on her. He took a deep breath, – She is not here anymore, she is gone.
My heart dropped, my mom just turned 64, she was not supposed to die now, was she?
I could hear my brother in law in the back ground, and my son continued tell me, where they were, and what they were doing. I told him to thank both my little sister and my brother in law for extending the curtesy of helping out.
The next 1.5 days flew by. Each time I tried to get a bit of sleep, my thoughts kept me awake, and instead of dancing to music and eating cake, I was on my way back to my mom funeral.
After the funeral a year went by, where I didn’t feel or hear from my mom at all.
On the day of my birthday, I was on my way over to my father and my son, to celebrate for birthday dinner. Here I was driving with 140 km/h and thinking of work, what I needed to do after the weekend, when all the sudden I felt my moms present in the car, around me and inside of me.
I got caught off guard and the feeling of love, filled my chest to the point where I could barely breath.
I said mom..? Yes, it is me, I just want to come and say Happy birthday, and I am trying to give you the biggest hug in the world. I also want to say, I am so sorry, I am sorry for what I did to you last year,
I was so angry you didn’t call me, on your birthday, so I could have said happy birthday to you, that I didn’t matter in my daughter life anymore, so why should I stay when my daughter didn’t care.
My mom continued; I know you do care, and I should have been the one, picking up the phone and called you instead, or just waited until you came by next time, so we could have celebrated.
I love you so much, you know, that right? Tear was flowing freely down my face, it was so nice to feel my mom and a huge warm tender hug filled with love even on the freeway with 140km/h. She stayed for a very short while, before she left, she told me to tell both my dad and my son hello, and she hope we were going to have a wonderful time together on my birthday.